I decided to put work out of my mind for this three-day weekend (Memorial Day Weekend) and enjoy myself at the lake. I went with my two brothers to the Elephant Butte Lake. We took my brother’s boat and we decided that we would return on Monday. Maybe this is what I really needed, you know to get away for a while. I was in good spirits. I went to pick up my brother and his boat. He loaded two big coolers. I thought to myself, “these guys really plan ahead, they got food.” While I assisted loading the coolers I looked in one and it was full of beer. I then looked in the other and there it was, it was also full of beer. You know, these two guys really have their priorities in order.

I guess when my dad lectured us about having priorities in life, he should have been more specific. “Hey where is the food?” “Ah, we’ll stop on our way,” my brother answered nonchalant. We did stop and got food on our way, but you know, I kept thinking, “we need no stinking food, hell, we got enough beer to last us months.”

We got to the lake and my brother thought that we might do some fishing before it got warm. We pulled out our fishing gear and started setting up our rods. “What are you doing dude?” My brother asked when he saw me putting some bright orange “Power Bait” on my hook. He looked at me with that look of disgust and I thought, “oh no!” I am obviously doing something wrong.

“I am putting this delicious orange glowing paste of who knows what for a hungry fish that is going to find it irresistible and the fish is going to try to grab a bite, then ‘wham!’ I am going to hook him,” I replied with that as a matter of fact look. Can’t let him think I am a novice when it comes to fishing. “Dude, we are gonna be trolling,” he said while throwing me a can he found inside a small cooler. “Of course, trolling! I knew that!” I said while catching the can with one hand. “Live bait,” the can read and as I opened it, it was full of long crawling worms.

WORMS!

Forget the food substitute, with preservatives and all the chemical crap. These fishies were in luck this morning, they were going to get the real thing! I took my time attempting real hard to pierce this poor worm with my hook and throw him over board at the mercy of some big fish with a big jaw and big teeth. “At least I hoped,” I thought while flinging the worm over the water.

Then something occurred to me. My brother’s boat is one of those high-speed boats for water sports. You know the kind of boat made for water skiing, tubing, that kind of stuff. He did not have a trolling motor on his boat. “Hey bro, do you think maybe we are going a little too fast?” I asked trying not to sound too stupid. “No way bro, I catch fish on my boat like this all the time,” my brother answered while looking at me as if I had no hope. “Well, I hope I get one of them fish who is a distance runner and in very good shape, because that is the kind of fish that is going to take to catch my worm,” I thought. Then the darndest thing happened. I looked at my fishing line and I swear, my worm was water skiing. He was doing flips, backward turns and everything. He looked very impressive, made me very proud.

“Hey bro, want a beer?” my brother asked with a grin……

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Tubing until the toes curl

After a couple of beers, three sacrificed unwilling worms and no fish, it was starting to get hot. “Well, are you guys ready to do some water skiing?” My brother asked and we nodded our heads. No sense letting the worms do all the skiing today. “Who wants to go first?” My brother asked while throwing a large red inner tube in the water. With this heat I was ready to jump in the water to cool off a bit. So I volunteered.

They thought we could start on the tube and then move on to actual water skiing. I got on real careful making sure my straw hat didn’t fall off. “Hey, I forgot my beer,” I asked pointing at the cold beer resting on the side of the boat. “Hey dude! what are you doing?” my brother came over to me like there was some huge misunderstanding. “You can’t wear your hat, sunglasses and on top of that drink a beer? What do you think this is, Paradise Island?”

My brother teased while pulling me in. “Here let us show you how to do it bro,” My brother helped me off the tube and handed me my beer back. So, we started with the tube ride and at the high speed they were pulling the tube, nobody could stay on for long. You know when you throw a rock to make it skip on top of the water? Well when you fell off the tube it had the same effect. When I finally got the courage to get on the tube, both my brothers started pointing and laughing at me. I was somewhat confused as to why they were laughing at me. “Now what?” I looked at my toes, the direction of their attraction, and my toes were curled up as if trying to grasp the side of the tube.

The ride was fast and the water was hitting me hard in the face. I could not see a thing and I was holding on for dear life. I actually wanted to let go, but was not sure what would happen to me at this high speed. So I held on as tight as I could, fearing for my life if I dare to let go. I regret to admit I was afraid of falling. Then suddenly after a few turns and bounces, and while maintaining a death grip on the side of the tube, the inevitable happened. I fell. I went airborne and tumbled a few times before landing upside down. It hurt and it took the wind out of me. Now I know what the worms went through! I got on the boat glad I was still alive and my brothers were laughing real hard, “bitching dude, you held on for a long time.” “Piece of cake, dude!” I replied.

After a few hours on the water my brother needed to use the restroom real bad. I was glad, I was not ready to continue this madness. He reminded us that he needed to go bad. Not long after that there was a real bad stench on the boat. Me and my other brother moved away from my brother who needed the restroom. He was in the front of the boat steering with a sense of urgency while we were in the rear pressed against the edge. We were clustered together cowering to the ill odor coming from up wind, the front. We covered our noses, mainly for visual effect, although it did smell. His denial was not convincing considering his admission for the need to relieve himself. There was no doubt in our minds that he was shamefully guilty. However, we were wrong in our assertion, because once we got to shore, we discovered that Rudy (my dog) had taken a crap on top of the boat, the source of the smell.

It was not fun cleaning the mess, let me tell you! After scooping the last moist paddy from the floor of the boat my brother peeked over with a wide smile on his face. He had obviously achieved comfort inside the outhouse by the beach. “Hey bro, there is someone who is in law enforcement just like you and who wants to meet you,” my brother said looking more relaxed. We went to meet some of my brother’s friends and there is where my brother introduced me to Kim McGuire…….

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Riding the Jet Ski with Kim

“Hey bro, I want you to meet someone who is in law enforcement. You know someone who shares in the code of silence,” my brother said excitedly as we neared the camp where his friends where located. “The code must be so silent that I don’t even know about it,” I thought to myself. When we got there, he immediately introduced me to Kim Mcguire. Have you ever heard that saying that all pets resemble their masters, or the masters resemble their pets? Well when I met Kim, I was looking for the Bulldog. She was short, stocky (not really very overweight) and looked mean. There she was a blond in a bikini that looked as if she lifted weights with her square frame. She was still shapely and with her cute face almost attractive.

She was a guard at a correction facility in El Paso and by her looks, I bet she could wipe the snot off the meanest convict in her watch. She came over to me and shook my hand. Her mighty grip was like a vise; strong, powerful and forceful. I faked the pain and tried to put my hand in my pocket, but my swimming trucks had none. I put my hands behind my back and started wiggling my fingers to allow the circulation to flow again.

“You guys want to ride my Jet Ski?” She said while pointing at a beautiful red Jet Ski in the water. “Sure, except we need to go to our camp first,” I responded while looking at my brother. My brother looked at me with that blank look and was getting ready to say something until I gave him the meanest look I could muster. “Well, if you want I can stop by your place later. You are not real far from here,” She responded. “Cool,” I said while we walked away.

“What was that about?” Asked my brother. “She was making me nervous, but it might be fun to ride that nice Jet Ski.” Not longer after arriving to our camp, Kim showed up on her Jet Ski. “HEY ALEX, READY FOR A RIDE?” She yelled while spinning and squirting water all over the place. “Get on,” she responded while moving the rear of the Jet Ski toward my direction. “You mean get in the back seat?” I asked pointing to the back seat as if there was some sort of misunderstanding or as if this was a joke. “Yes, don’t be a whuz!” Well I certainly was no “whuz,” so I got on.

I got on the back seat and before I could get comfortable, she accelerated throwing water all around us. I had to immediately grab her side to avoid falling off. “Grab on sweetie,” she yelled laughing. I then realize we were the only couple in which the male was the passenger on the back seat. She cut another sharp turn and I had to grasp her side to avoid taking a spill. She was spinning and cutting turns so sharp that I had to tighten my grip. Somehow, I felt secure from falling but insecure for riding “bitch” on the back seat. But I must admit, despite all this I was enjoying the thrill of the ride. “Are you doing OK hon?” Kim asked and somehow, I felt like my own dog; small, fearful, timid, yellow (my dog’s color), weak, wimpy, well……. like a whuz! “Ah!, this is nothing hon, let it rip,” I responded with my heaviest tone of voice.

I glanced down and noticed the darnest thing. My toes were curled up. Darn,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


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